Appropriation

In the midst of all the confusion of the last couple days, I've had some time to think. A lot of people have "Today we are all Hokies" icons of various forms on facebook and livejournal. People are organizing events to mourn. But I don't feel it would be fitting for me to involve myself. I am not grieving. I am extraordinarily sad that it happened, and can't imagine what it must be like to have lost someone, but as far as I know, nobody I know or knew was hurt. And aside from the general shock that anyone would feel at the knowledge that it even happened, I don't feel I can involve myself in the general mourning that is going on. I can show respect or even sympathy, but for me to grieve would be to appropriate someone else's tragedy and minimize the very real, personal, and direct impact it is having on their lives.

It reminds me of an episode of "Rescue Me" that I saw last summer, when one of the guys in the firehouse went to a PTSD support group regarding World Trade Center collapse, to read the poetry he had written about it. He was a firefighter who had been on the scene and lost members of his firehouse, while none of the group members had even been in the city at the time. He was disgusted that while he was holding himself together (albeit by writing apallingly bad poetry), they were falling apart over a tragedy that didn't even belong to them. Who would have thought I'd find insight in a Dennis Leary creation?

I don't think there's anything wrong with talking through the events at Virginia Tech, or in showing respect and honor to the deceased and wounded with sympathy notes, half-staff flags, or displays of the Tech Hokie. Still, at the end of the day, this tragedy is not mine to own. I am extraordinarily grateful to have not been personally affected, and extraordinarily saddened for those who were. But today I am not and cannot be a Hokie, because even in my worst nightmares I can't imagine what they must be feeling or living. I think those of us who were fortunate enough to be spared personal tragedy on Monday should bear this in mind.